Archive for the 'Preparing' Category

I hate ’stuff’…

The Wandering Nerd July 15th, 2007

Just the general physical manifestation of matter that supposedly ‘belongs’ to me. I feel kinda’ guilty about throwing some of this shit out. I mean someone could use it, just not me, not now. It’s the same feeling I had when I was a kid and my mom tried the old, ‘there are starving kids in Africa, eat your cabbage!’ I didn’t feel any real guilt, I really just wanted to find a box, stamps and ask her how to spell ‘Africa.’ For our younger audience, that never ended well. For you older, parental types if your kid pulls that, you should probably beat the crap out of it, lest it start to turn out like me.

Progress is being made on getting rid of most of this stuff, though to prove a point, let’s play a little game. Imagine, if you will, your bathroom. Now imagine your bathroom sink and the cabinets/drawers around it. Now imagine what all is in there. Really try to inventory everything that could be there. When you get a chance, go look. Scary huh? Try the same game on the kitchen sink, or the third cabinet from the left. How about the top shelf in that downstairs closet? Yeah, Goodwill will take all of that stuff off of your hands. The guys at the closest donation center know me by name now. Though, interestingly, they won’t take computer monitors.

I’m close to leveling up so I went ahead and got more cards:

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For those that don’t know, I’m getting the cards in 100 count intervals, so when I go through a set, I get to level as a Vagabond, I was even looking around for an old copy of the “Bard’s Handbook” from AD&D 2nd edition. I think Vagabond was a subclass of the Bard, was wanting to look over the XP chart. If anyone can find that, scan it in, and send it to me (copyright be damned) I’ll grant 10 shiny new WN points.

That’s right…ultra dork…. It’s not Wandering ‘Cool Guy’ now is it ladies?!?!

Speaking of nerdness, gotta’ head into work. Yup, that rock and roll lifestyle of a network engineer, 11pm on a Sunday. Seeing as how it’s a Hospital network we’re changing over, we’re gonna’ wait until after we get everything working again before doing the eight ball off the hooker’s belly, popping open some Cristal and riding around in our stretch Nissan Stanza.

uhm…word….yo’….

Tickets have been ordered, bimbos have been found and Kentucky now apparently has Edge…

The Wandering Nerd July 13th, 2007

I leave from Indy early on Sunday the 22nd and get into Dublin at 0600, now to find a hotel for a day or two to kick it while I get my bearings. Looking at the North Star Hotel in the City Centre. Gettin’ my travel on….

Driving up to small town KY to leave some of my clothes/junk with my parents (the lucky fools) I pulled up behind quite possibly the best truck I’ve ever seen. Now I’m used to seeing huge dually diesel monsters driven by scrawny sunburned farm kids, with his John Deere hat on sideways, Calvin pissing on whatever random trademark, nodding their mullets to Gangsta’ Country - “Yo, yo, yo, gonna’ bust some shotgun shells in that stop sign and get drunk and punch my best friend in the face, then throw up on some girl I met in a field party! Hey!!! Throw your hands in air and pretend that all your fingers are still there! *vee-jee, vee-jee, vee-jee, TWANG!*”

At least that I could handle in it’s blatant absurdity, nothing could have prepared me for this:

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That’s right, Bimbo brand bread, nothin’ says a good time like slapping some cold cuts and mayo on a couple slices of Bimbo…bread…

I’ve also, finally, learned the most important thing when dealing with visiting a home that really isn’t mine any more. The secret is to bring in a fifth of Laphhroaiq.

Having something like

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is entirely too terrifying for someone to deal with sober, or sane. That’s right, they don’t have any eyes. Clearly my mother has never seen Event Horizon. Try to sleep with something like that around…you can’t.

Euchre is essentially the default hobby for entertainment where I’m from. It’s a bastardized version of Spades that exists only in small pockets throughout the midwest. My father has some strange preternatural ability when it comes to the game allowing him to bend space-time/reality to his whim and win at the game despite any and all game theory or probability laws that we have here to fore ascertained. It’s uncanny. Periodically though, he’ll drop some random quote that is truly antithetical to any common logic, such as this gem:

Sometimes the best you can do is just try and get good and Euchred. If you don’t know the game, that’s essentially the same sentiment as saying, ‘Sometimes the best you can do is fail specatularly.’

I come from interesting stock.

I had a great uncle who collapsed with chest pains whilst cutting tobacco, he stood back up and yelled at everyone to get away from him and to get back to work. Turned out he had been having a heart attack at the time and worked through it. Sufficed to say, that severly limits how many days one can play hooky from school having ’sick days.’ I grew up on a small tobacco farm in Kentucky. Eris knows how I ended up how I did. I took a few shots around the farm tonight at dusk. Kinda’ picturesque all things considered:

On the upside, apparently my hometown now actually has EDGE coverage, so I get to post while I’m here. (On a side note, I found out today the site actually works and looks okay on the iPhone, so you early adopters get to get my luscious verbage and insight to your twisted heart’s content…you’re welcome.)

I don’t think anyone from here really understands what I’m doing, selling everything and just breaking wide. In a number of cases, members of my extended family have never been farther than 100 miles beyond where they were born, it just isn’t something that is done around here. Though it is comforting to hear that the majority of the folks around here have realized, in some cases all along, how detrimental the current administration is to what’s good, right, or just for this country or the world. That was a heartening thing to learn, the more the ’small town contingent’ comes to that conclusion the better off I think we all are, and by ‘we’ I’m pretty much always going to be referring to the global ‘we.’ I think ‘we’ would be a lot better off if ‘we’ realized we were all in it together and just trying to get by. It disgusts me that the world is in danger of being overtly consumed by savage capitalists and religious zealots on all sides.

Though it could just be that a fifth of scotch makes me sentimental and idealistic. Or I could just be on some twisted sugar rush (my mother makes some devilishly good banana pudding) and despite my protestations the siren call of a good dessert, or an actual Siren, has been the downfall of many a man…

On fireballs, functionality and stupid things people say…

The Wandering Nerd July 8th, 2007

I went to a cookout at a friends house yesterday evening. Good conversations, good drinks…mmm….vodka tonics. As the food is being prepped up I offer to go light the grill, simple process, turn on the gas, push igniter, flame, right? No no, not so simple, so I turn on the gas in the front, hit igniter….click click click…nothing. Hrm, perhaps the gas is off, reach under, check the tank, nope it’s on just fine. Lean in to see if I can hear any gas escaping (here is where it should become readily apparent that even moderately intelligent folks can do some dumb things, provided sufficient ethanol consumption). On of my friends says, “yeah, that’s a good idea get your face right next to it.” I stand up a bit to chuckle at that, when the holy lord mother of fireballs explodes right in my face. I see it coming, have just enough time to close my eyes and bend down and away as it goes streaking upwards with Stygian whoooshing sound and the helldrawn screams of all the cattle that have fallen to that grill’s demonic maw.

Luckily it was a relavitely low level grill and did only 3d6 points of damage and I made my saving throw. As I stood up, my face ringed in smoke and the stench of burning hair filling the deck, I asked the only thing I could think of, “Well, do I still have any eyebrows?”

I walked in the house to what kind of damage was done to my handsome mug, and Dave (the owner of the hellgrill) asked what happened, and subsequently responds, “yeah, that was probably my fault.” Now here’s the fun part, apparently the grill had been acting up (clearly the sacrifices to its dark hunger had not been enough) so Dave decided to ‘clean out the gas holes’ effectively boring out the cylinders as it were. So while I couldn’t hear the comforting hiss of gas escaping, it was merrily filling up the space in the grill just waiting on the time to strike and make me look like Pink from The Wall. It was great, good times, I can now add a fireball to things I’ve foolishly tried to stop with my face.

Internet Explorer 7 was having some issues rendering the page, I think I’ve got everything back up and working now. Essentially it wasn’t displaying the header image, nor actually rendering the sidebar, so if you’ve not seen it yet, the sidebar is where you can register on the page, to comment and such. I would strongly suggest that if you haven’t yet, you should switch to Mozilla’s Firefox, or even Opera. Safari seems to render everything just fine which is a plus as I don’t have a Mac with which to test. If the nice folks at Apple would like to donate a Macbook Pro 15″ to the cause of the wandering nerd I wouldn’t say no…hint…hint…

I stopped at the Rumba for a nightcap. I ended up briefly talking to a couple girls, which in some ways was a mistake, but there were a couple rare gems of conversation. The one that got me the most, “I’m 22 and a half.” This was said with sincerity, though to be fair this was from the same little girl that later said, “Girls are so obnoxious!” Self-realization is a powerful and terrible thing, and for her sake, I hope she never finds any…

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