On fireballs, functionality and stupid things people say…

The Wandering Nerd July 8th, 2007

I went to a cookout at a friends house yesterday evening. Good conversations, good drinks…mmm….vodka tonics. As the food is being prepped up I offer to go light the grill, simple process, turn on the gas, push igniter, flame, right? No no, not so simple, so I turn on the gas in the front, hit igniter….click click click…nothing. Hrm, perhaps the gas is off, reach under, check the tank, nope it’s on just fine. Lean in to see if I can hear any gas escaping (here is where it should become readily apparent that even moderately intelligent folks can do some dumb things, provided sufficient ethanol consumption). On of my friends says, “yeah, that’s a good idea get your face right next to it.” I stand up a bit to chuckle at that, when the holy lord mother of fireballs explodes right in my face. I see it coming, have just enough time to close my eyes and bend down and away as it goes streaking upwards with Stygian whoooshing sound and the helldrawn screams of all the cattle that have fallen to that grill’s demonic maw.

Luckily it was a relavitely low level grill and did only 3d6 points of damage and I made my saving throw. As I stood up, my face ringed in smoke and the stench of burning hair filling the deck, I asked the only thing I could think of, “Well, do I still have any eyebrows?”

I walked in the house to what kind of damage was done to my handsome mug, and Dave (the owner of the hellgrill) asked what happened, and subsequently responds, “yeah, that was probably my fault.” Now here’s the fun part, apparently the grill had been acting up (clearly the sacrifices to its dark hunger had not been enough) so Dave decided to ‘clean out the gas holes’ effectively boring out the cylinders as it were. So while I couldn’t hear the comforting hiss of gas escaping, it was merrily filling up the space in the grill just waiting on the time to strike and make me look like Pink from The Wall. It was great, good times, I can now add a fireball to things I’ve foolishly tried to stop with my face.

Internet Explorer 7 was having some issues rendering the page, I think I’ve got everything back up and working now. Essentially it wasn’t displaying the header image, nor actually rendering the sidebar, so if you’ve not seen it yet, the sidebar is where you can register on the page, to comment and such. I would strongly suggest that if you haven’t yet, you should switch to Mozilla’s Firefox, or even Opera. Safari seems to render everything just fine which is a plus as I don’t have a Mac with which to test. If the nice folks at Apple would like to donate a Macbook Pro 15″ to the cause of the wandering nerd I wouldn’t say no…hint…hint…

I stopped at the Rumba for a nightcap. I ended up briefly talking to a couple girls, which in some ways was a mistake, but there were a couple rare gems of conversation. The one that got me the most, “I’m 22 and a half.” This was said with sincerity, though to be fair this was from the same little girl that later said, “Girls are so obnoxious!” Self-realization is a powerful and terrible thing, and for her sake, I hope she never finds any…

2 Responses to “On fireballs, functionality and stupid things people say…”

  1. Picidaeon 09 Jul 2007 at 9:13 pm

    Holy flame throwing grills, Batman! *sniff sniff* Ahhhh…nothing like the scent of burnt hair and flesh. Hope you’re alright!!!

  2. The Wandering Nerdon 10 Jul 2007 at 1:02 am

    Nah, I’m all good, just surprised me and burned off a bit of hair. Had too much of it anyway. Eyebrows are for sissies. :)

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