I’m a bad person, and you’re about to be, what the hell does one call horse meat, and lots going on, but nothing really there.

The Wandering Nerd September 10th, 2007

I would love to tell you about the roaring good time I’ve had in Rotterdam; to regale you with tales of mystery and misery, joy and jest or at least a good fight story. Sadly, short of making it up completely - not completely out of character, i.e. the “Snailboys” - I can offer no exciting tale for your salivating eyes and minds. I assume that’s salivation and you didn’t just watch Schindler’s List. While I’m on the subject of hilarious imagery, I kind of have to share with you the one good photo from this series. I’m not going to actively link it visibly here as it may be shocking for some of our younger viewers or those with weak hearts. I’m quite serious that I feel really horrible for finding this as funny as I do, as it’s taken completely out of context and the subject - as I saw after the instant of the photo - is quite okay and utterly normal in all aspects. So go ahead and take a look, if you feel up to it. If you’re feeling really brave - and I do indeed dare someone to do this - take a drink of liquid before you look. Make it water though…trust me.

Are you ready?

Have a look here.

It’s okay. Take your time, I’ll wait. I’m just glad to know that now I’m not the only one going to hell for finding that funny - and I’m still chuckling as I type this. I think that’s going to be like the insanity test or the viking kittens for me now. You can put that as your background now if you want.

Yeah, okay, so smell of brimstone aside, Rotterdam is sort of a let down. I wasn’t really expecting or wanting much to go on, but I wanted the opportunity to be obstinately removed, y’know?

There was a pretty big Maritime festival going on outside of the hostel. Well I’m pretty sure it was maritime, that or some sort of Pride festival what will all of the…nah, too easy. The were giving tours of all of the ships but it commenced to raining and I got sort of turned off by the whole thing, what with not having a clue what was going on. I did find a place selling eel sammiches. They were fan-dam-tastic, as were the herring sammiches. They are both served raw on white bread, that’s it, though the herring comes with diced white onions. I’m on some strange culinary kick lately too, eh? Least it’s no more stoopid museums or galleries, huh?

The other festival - yeah, I know I said there wasn’t much going on, but you gotta’ understand these things were kinda’ lame honestly - happened to be a cultural diversity event. Literally, one of the guys in the event said that that meant, ‘Rotterdam puts a bunch of strange objects and things on the streets and that makes it cultural.’ *shrug*

The most interesting thing about the thing was the equestrian bit. I’m walking around and some guy behind me taps me on the shoulder and waves me aside, saying what I assumed was, ‘clear the way’ either that or ‘help me I have rickets.’ I went with the former rather than the latter as I have no real formulated plan for dealing with something like that. What followed was the biggest effin’ horse I have ever seen in my life. I’m not talking like clydesdale, I’m saying the head on this thing had to be 10 feet in the air. I didn’t cover Belgian horses while I was there, because I just didn’t. They are massive not just beefy…er…horsey…uhm…chevaly…whatever, but freakishly tall. While the one wasn’t ‘Radar‘ size, he was certainly large enough looming out of the darkness at me with his crazed horse eyes. To make the situation even more surreal there was a woman, in a nightgown, standing on his withers. (I just learned what the withers were while researching all those links, don’t think I know the first thing about horses.) She was just standing up there, looking austere as this cadre of people wandered along taking pictures and video of her.

This strange procession wound through the streets, ending at a large expo center of some sort. Shortly there after, the woman and horse combo came out onto a stage and did a dance. Now before anyone gets any naughty ideas, she was sitting astride the horse. She had all of these little flashlights, one in each hand, and one on a band on her head. They were easy to overlook as she never pointed them at the audience, but the horse had been trained to follow the lights on the ground. So it would, turn or prance, or even walk sideways in time with her movements and the music. If it wasn’t damn near pitch black I would have loved to captured some on video. But I got to see it, and really that’s what’s important.

Let’s see, that’s about it really, Amsterdam is coming up. I will go ahead and suggest you don’t expect any sort of update while I’m there. So I’ll leave you with a rather unimpressive gallery, except for one shining gem.

is this me breaking free
or just breaking down
-moloko

4 Responses to “I’m a bad person, and you’re about to be, what the hell does one call horse meat, and lots going on, but nothing really there.”

  1. Hoshion 11 Sep 2007 at 11:28 am

    I didn’t get the hilarity of your photo, Hellboy. I know you shouldn’t have to explain a joke, but what was *supposed* to be so funny (like I *need* help getting to hell any faster than I am already blazing a trail)? :/
    .
    Personally, I think this one is one of your best yet…
    http://wanderingnerd.com/wp-content/gallery/europe/holland/rotterdam/rotterdam.streets/DSC05343.jpg
    .
    Let’s see if I even got the code right to get it to show up properly… Anyway, it just looked like a cool mural and it had monkeys hidden…okay, NOt hidden, just incorporated into it. Nicely done, good chap. That is at least two photos containing monkeys so far. You are well on your way to becoming an honorary member of my organization: Chimps and Higher Order Primates Society (yes, CHOPS). Your t-shirt will be waiting when you return, so hold your breath.
    .
    Well bro, sorry to hear there won’t be an update forthcoming while you’re in Amsterdam. What with the prevalence of coffee shops and bars there, I guess it should come as little surprise though. I am fairly sure I would not make it out of that town alive without the assistance of someone else. Kudos for you…I think. Are you there? I can’t hear you breathing. I think someone should call 9-1-1 or something. Sorry, I can’t be the one. There is this outstanding warrant down South that…never mind.
    .
    Well, hope to hear something from you soon and I will assume all is well over there.
    .
    Best wishes and be safe, have fun and, as always, stop staring at kids scuba diving in pools.
    .
    Hoshi

  2. The Wandering Nerdon 12 Sep 2007 at 3:55 am

    Are you kidding? He looks like a very young Sloth from the Goonies having a big day out at the scuba pool. I guess I’m the only ‘orrible bastard around here…

  3. Picidaeon 12 Sep 2007 at 9:19 pm

    Ah yes, Belgians are awesome horses indeed! We had one at the therapeutic riding center where I used to volunteer and she was really a neat beast. Took her out for a few spins around the indoor arena (which was quite the feat considering her size relative to that of the arena) and it was really an odd feeling riding her; especially when considering that I was nearly always assigned to exercise the itty-bitty ponies due to my size. Unfortunately I dont have any pics of her (atleast that I can find). :(

  4. Noxyon 13 Sep 2007 at 9:54 pm

    HEY YOUUU GUUUYSSSSS

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