Like an old friend, and certain things you just really shouldn’t say…

The Wandering Nerd September 26th, 2007

I think Prague is either the best place ever for me, or the most deadly. Perhaps both.

After the lovely train ride/day I had, I went back to Cross Club and just chilled out for a while. I had a number of well deserved beers, and finally got some food at around midnight.

The next day - yesterday - was a total wash, I did nothing. It was brilliant.

While on the way to the Bone Church thing, I met a couple from Czech. They suggested I find a place called u Sudu. Prague seems to have no end of hidden and esoteric bars/clubs. This one happens to look just like a tiny wine bar from the front. I would say only about sixteen feet by thirty. Go all the way to the back and take a right, and go down a rather grim looking set of stairs and you’ll find yourself in a labyrinth of the old wine cellars. packed with tables, bars and people. After there I had planned on coming back and just relaxing when some of the new pack of Aussies - they roam in packs…or maybe herds - wanted to go try this place they’d heard of. Something about a five story club…

So, I ended up back at Karlovy L├ízne, as I somehow knew I would. Funny story, there were a couple of really drunk Aussies/English guys - when there’s that much slurring, it’s a tough call - that were working over the room trying their worst to find some females to dance with them. By there worst I mean just that, they were pawing on them and just generally being asshats, for the sake of this parable let us call them Asshat 1, and Asshat B. I was content to watch this debacle for a while, eventually getting disgusted with them and just wandered to another part of the club. Later on when I was leaving at…mumble mumble…a.m. some of the bouncers were walking Asshat 1 out of the club. When I say ‘bouncer’ you need to realize that these are Eastern Bloc genetic mutations formed by cross pollinating a Bull Elephant with a Brick Wall and splicing in just enough simian genes to allow them to have opposable thumbs and a usable, if primal, sense of following orders.

The procession seemed quite peaceful. Then Asshat B stopped at the door and, in what I liked to think was the poorest decision of his life - though he proved me wrong. He tried to explain to the bouncers that Asshat 1 is a really good chap, and that - this clarified to me why he was getting the boot - that, “…the bird was liking it man!” The bouncers seemed unimpressed, or at least didn’t speak English.

At this point Asshat B is directly in front of me, blocking the exit, so I’m allowed a front row seat to all of this. He then decided that he just needs to shake hands with the bouncers. I take a step back. The bouncers, clearly not interested in shaking Asshat B’s hand, begin to disperse. This is where Asshat B, proves me wrong, he then goes on to say, loudly, “Well, faaaahhh-ck you!”

I just grin at him, say, “wrong answer, mate.” and take two more steps back against the wall, to avoid the flying wedge of bouncers that descend on this dumb bastard.

I don’t know if you all are accustomed to the term ‘Kansas City Beatdown’ but this would have been a prime example. The largest of the bouncers apparently understood enough English and open hand slapped this guy hard enough to knock him down. Whilst gravity and the force of the blow are pulling the poor bugger down, the bouncer - all the time screaming at him in Czech - catches him with an upward open hand slap the knocks him back the other way, like some pugilist metronome. Then there’s some kicking involved, then the bodily pick him up and throw him out the front. Karma’s a bitch, eh?

After this has all calmed down, I give a small cheerful nod to the bouncer - careful not to show any teeth - and step out the door into the morning air. Ah, Prague, my kinda’ town….

have a doctor come and visit us
and tell us which one is sane
-the white stripes

One Response to “Like an old friend, and certain things you just really shouldn’t say…”

  1. Picidaeon 26 Sep 2007 at 8:42 pm

    ROFL!!! Story time with Naj…my favorite! Nighty night.


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