Make fast please, look, just take the damn word, and drink ‘em if ya’ got ‘em.

The Wandering Nerd October 15th, 2007

Woohoo Stootgard! Much beer was drank, much fun was had, many volks were fested! I had a much shorter time there as the dirty bastards in the DeutschBahn did go on strike Friday. I had to wait until Saturday to head out.

Since I was still in town I went to the ‘Geothe-Pub.’ It’s where they provide a relatively cheap selection of booze - and sadly in this case a cheap selection of music. None of the students (nichts) seemed suitably impressed and everyone (alles) sat outside and just drank and gabbed. They gabbed in six different languages so it was basically the ‘Steps of Babel’. More concerning was the fact that each faction had it’s own specific drink, i.e. (zum Beispiel) the Spanish students were drinking Sangria, the Germans beer, the French wine, the Mexicans tequila, etc. I, being the ambassador for peace and goodwill throughout the world, and being a generally social guy, got offered a large assortment of fine beverages. Of course, it would have been rude for me to turn anyone down.

Only after a goodly number of drinks did we all move to another bar and I ended the evening talking - quite fluently apparently - in German, to a number of people. Well either I was speaking coherently in another language or we were all so incoherent that language itself was an unnecessary intrusion into the overall sense of drunken camaraderie (Kameradschaftsgeist). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I awoke looking and feeling my best.


I made it to Stuttgart eventually and met up with a friend I’d met in Prague for the volksfest. First though, we hit the Mercedes Museum. The Mercedes brand has never really struck a cord with me. I know that it’s a fine brand, very high quality - and prices. Take, for instance, this Mercedes Mclaren, which can be yours for the low, low price of 500,000 Euro, and if you do want one, be prepared to wait, as they only make them on demand. I suppose when you get performance numbers of 0-60 in 3.5 second and a top speed of about 210 MPH you should expect to pay a bit more. I kinda’ wanted to spend a few quiet moments alone with that car. Either that or the one Mercedes that I have always liked - ever since Need for Speed III - the Mercedes-Benz McLaren CLK GTR. That car does things for me…warm, thrilling things that we should not speak of.


The museum was very impressive, it felt about like the Heineken Experience, it seemed that they generally wanted to present to the people who enjoyed the brand an in depth look at the history and mythos of the brand. They make all sorts of stuff that I wasn’t even aware of. They make the Popemobile - and yes it’s actually referred to as The Popemobile. They make even more esoteric things, giant touring buses, police, fire and rescue vehicles, etc. But they also make little one off things whenever they need them, like a testing vehicle with an umbilical cord that can follow and record data from another car - this was in the ’60s. Though the funniest line of the day goes to Claire who upon seeing this thing here, said, “That must be how baby sports cars are made.”

Here’s the full gallery from the Museum:

On to the festival! I really wasn’t expecting the number of amusement park style rides they had. These Europeans love their oddball machines to sling them about to and fro’. I have this thing about fair rides. I don’t ride them.

It comes from growing up in the middle of nowhere Kentucky. They have county fairs every summer in the states, with horse shows - gods the organ music still haunts me - and all of those great Future Farmers of America livestock shows. *shiver* They also have amusement park rides put together by guys named “Hank-Joe” with mullets and a penchant for drinking too much wives and beating up their beer. I don’t trust those guys to find a right handed screwdriver so I’m not about to put my delicate frame in some contraption they put together between Pabsts with names like “Plummet Summit” or even worse “Kentucky Rumbler.” Sorry pal, keep your tickets for little Jimmy, I’m keeping my shins - you’ll note that was also in Kentucky. I feel like my reticence is justified. We ended up going on the ferris wheel - after I had consumed a number of liters of beer. Some people call it ‘liquid courage’, I find it to be closer to ‘liquid stupid.’ If nothing else it offered some good photo ops of the whole layout of the festival, though I did damn near freeze my tuckus off.

I also spent some time having a minor language lesson with some Germans. They are really not okay with making up new words for giggles. I make them up as I need them and feel that human communication must evolve and I’m all about helping it along. Hence things like ‘Asshat’ which I have now officially transitioned into the German Lexicon:


And - as has been pointed out - since I’ve been neglecting the Brois a bit, I’ve officially passed this on to the Germans:


It really seemed completely antithetical to one of the guys that it’s possible just to make up words, but the girls seemed all for it. Strange. They took the napkins and promised to spread both words as far and wide as possible throughout the land. So there ya’ go.


The beertents are pretty self explanatory, giant tents full of beer, food and people on top of tables drinking beer and swaying back and forth - sometimes even on purpose or to the music. I’ve heard of people ‘quaffing’ a beer before, but really only understood it in that abstract way. It’s a new and different thing when you see a couple of German girls that are maybe 5 foot tall quaff a liter of beer. That’s right a liter of beer in one mug. Remember kids, if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. I didn’t clean up the later photos in the series, as I feel it presents a much more accurate portrayal of the event.

I need to get heading out. Tonight is when the students all go to a local pub and talk in German and drink beer. So that’ll be new. Enjoy the pics gang and remember, do not try this at home. Come to wherever I am at the moment…. :)

if you choose not to decide, you still haven’t made a choice.
you can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;
i will choose a path that’s clear-
i will choose Free Will.

3 Responses to “Make fast please, look, just take the damn word, and drink ‘em if ya’ got ‘em.”

  1. Hoshion 17 Oct 2007 at 8:05 am

    Heh. Beer and Porsches…what’s not to love about Stuttgart? If you head North on the Otterbon (E41) out of Stuttgart, on your left as you are just about to pass the Ludwigsburg exit, you will see a giant, tri-tone pink building. That is where the porche is actually made or engineered or something. It is butt-ugly and stand out like the horns on top of me head.
    I never was allowed to go into that place. Not for lack of trying, mind you. :P
    DOOD! I will so send you der geld for one of those stoneware volksfest mugs!!! My mom abscounded mine after I got back home. Actually, I think I might still have been in a stupor for something like 2 months after I got back and might have given it to her or something. Silly me. I just miss my 1-liter mug and these 12 ounce to 40 ounce bottles we have here just don’t cut it when I need to get my getrinken on! :))
    The fests look like they’ve gotten more…techno? When I used to go, there was little more than a giant kitchen full of hanchen und schweinhaxe, several outlets to buy beer (and I think they might have had some wine too) and copious quantities of women walking around dressed like the St. Paulie’s girl, delivering beers and doling out shots of schnapps from their bucket o’ libations.
    Now, it appears more like a rave or something. What’s up with the big screens and schtuff? Do they even do the chicken dance anymore? What about the “Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky, hoy, hoy, hoy!” chant? Ein, zwei, zoopa? Are people still standing on tables to sing and dance, peeing in corners and making a game out of trying to steal the mugs?
    I am worried that all the fun and civility has left the volksfests of old. I hope not. It would be a shame for such an awesome event to become milqtoast by comparison to it’s former glory. :(
    Thanks for remembering us Brois stuck back here in the old US. We iz with you in spirit, but unfortunately not in a corporeal state. If we were…oh, the devastation we would likely have on US-world relations after “quaffing” a few of those 1-liter biers. Then again, we could hardly do any worse than King Georgie and his toadies are now.
    Well bro, gotta get some sheisse done here so I can makes me some monies.
    As always, be safe, have a good time and try not to quaff to much in the meantime and in between time,

  2. Hoshion 17 Oct 2007 at 8:09 am

    Actually, the Porsche factory is on your RIGHT as you head North out of Stuttgart and my mom “absconded” with my mug, not abscounded.
    I need to proofread BEFORE I post my comments…dammit. :(

  3. The Wandering Nerdon 17 Oct 2007 at 9:51 am

    I was in no real condition to carry much beyond myself out of one of those tents much less a mug made of any material other than say adamantium or diamond…I would have had the good sense to make off with one of them had it been made of diamond though. C’mon, I’m still a Broi.

    There was plenty of classic german stuff, but yeah, they have stepped up the times a bit. They are still definately German though, and unless you really know Germans that won’t make much sense.

    They did play a couple English songs but for the most part I was just swaying back and forth and yelling slightly out of phase with the rest of the table dancers….that sounds a lot cooler that it was. Fun though, regardless. The “Zicky-Zacky” is still being used in betwixt songs. No one there seems to know what it means. Well let me rephrase, none of the cute girls that were around at various parts of the evening knew what it meant. It’s all in the targeting really.

    I’ve been actively ignoring our idiot boy king’s antics for 3 months and feel much better for it. It’s like a free visa of friendliness when someone asks my opinion of the government and I regale them, at length, with all of the problems exist.

    Keep with making the monies so you can get your ass over here and we can do the Amsterdam - Prague - Eastern Bloc circuit.

    Oh, and don’t worry about proofreading, hell I don’t. :)

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